How I Grind

Mother by day, hustler by day

I’m a hypocrite.

I tell people every day to focus on positivity and to believe in themselves. I tell people to love themselves and treat themselves kindly. I speak as if I know what I’m talking about. And the truth is, I really do understand the theory of happiness at its core. I understand the theories behind self-improvement and building your own trade. I’m in the thick of it and logically speaking, I know exactly what I need to do to become successful, and how to feel good now.

But I still put myself down every day.

I struggle to come up with ideas for my writing and that makes me feel insecure. My figures have definitely increased in all aspects — in followers, reads, and financially, but they’re not groundbreaking.

Yet.

And while I know that’s OK, I still wonder whether I’m doing the right thing.

I get self-doubt every day, but I have learned to manage it. Some days I engage with it, some days I tell it no thanks.

If I listened to society, if I used deductive reasoning, I would conclude that I am wasting my time trying to make a living from writing.

Firstly, I am not following all the rules to become a successful writer:

I absolutely concur that I need to do all of the above, but mostly, I need time to write first.

My old self would say it’s all a bit too much to handle and to just give up.

The odds are against me to become a successful writer, so I would absolutely lean towards my old way of thinking.

I mean, I am a full-time mother with zero writing experience other than what I have done on Medium for the last year plus all the love letters I have written to my husband.

Yet, somehow, I’m still expecting to win.

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